No boys for a while. I'm so sick of this. Giving everything you have and receiving nothing in return.

He STILL refers to me as babe while currently seeing someone else? Dude. Just GIVE ME BACK my shit, STOP talking to me and lets be done with this. Meanwhile, my ex Spencer, has become another shoulder to cry on. He still makes comments about loving me, whatever. I'm not falling for that. We can love each other as friends, nothing more.

I've been so incredibly heart sick that I can't eat. It's gotten better over the last couple of days, but I still feel like I want to throw up every time I think of him or just feel like shit.

Please just leave me alone. Return whats mine. And leave me alone.

So fucked up.

I'm so sick of this shit.

I'm done for a while.

I'm just going to focus on myself.

Not answer to anyone.

Not give a fuck about anyone but my family and friends.

Focus on school and my music.

Easier said than done.

Seriously.

Now.

I'm DYYYING!
Bleh!

Whatever. 10 more weeks of this crap then I'm done for a while. Yaaaay!

So sometime between getting dumped and drinking, I GOT BEHIND IN MY WORK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Last night I went to the getaway with Roxy and it was wonderful.<3

I've missed that, it was such a relief to just talk and enjoy the scenery and smoke. Ha.

k. Time to do homework. Bleh.

Last night was awesome. I got drunk with some great friends, sang some karaoke, then had the balls to call my love. :)

We declared our love for one another, then said our good nights. Haha

Man I had a blast! Can't wait for next weekend! =D

Got my laptop back!!! =D

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

=D =D =D =D =D =D!!!!!!

I will be getting my laptop tomorrow!

I am so stoked. I've missed it so much.

I haven't talked to Fredo all day...

I don't care where we are. I don't care what anyone thinks. He still loves me. I still love him, he still loves me. I'm getting him back if it kills me because I know he's worth it. WE are worth it.

And I can't wait to finally have pictures of the gorgeous love of my life on my fixed new improved laptop. Haha. Don't judge me.

I've been single for almost a week and I don't like it one bit.

I mis him. I want to be near him. I don't care that we were bickering or frustrated most of the time, at least we were together... AND HE BAILS!!! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!!

I know he loves me. I know he misses me too. But this is just ridiculous.

=( I know he's right. I know this is good for us... I'm just sad.

This heart, it beats, beats for only you.

I miss my laptop!!!

I will be getting back sometime next week and I'm stoked!

I get to see Fredo today. =)

He's kind of been pissing me off lately. We never really talk, I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO GO TO HIM IF I WANT ANY HOPE OF A CONVERSATION and if I don't then I won't hear from him it's ridiculous. He NEVER used to be like that!! He'd text me nonsense, say good morning AND good night, just to say I love you messages... NOT ANYMORE!!!

I think he's depressed about not finding a job and just not trying when it comes to me anymore and that's very upsetting. I'm going to talk to him about it today. I know he's in a funk, we both are... But this is a relationship. We both have to work at it if we want it to work at all. I know he loves me. That's not an issue. I just want him BACK. I want my happy, silly, loving, attentive Fredo back!! =( He just recently stopped being that way after he lost his job. =( Come back to me. =(

Last night I watched 2 movies that i've never seen nor heard of, one was called Posers, the other, Perfect Opposites. The former was absolutely retarded and I could not believe I sat through that shit. The latter, was cute. It started Piper Parebo or however you spell her name Coyote ugly and I think she's adorable so I watched it. It was cute. Not oh my god I have to watch it again cute, but not a complete waste of time cute. Haha

I think today/tonight I'm going to make Fredo watch Ps I love you. He can learn a few things from Gerry. =)

My little Malakai is growing TEETH and will be 6 months in just a few weeks. MAN time has FLOWN! <3

Getting my laptop back in a few days and I am STOKED!!

I can't wait! I can even do work at Fredos. :)

I was supposed to see him today, but mom needed the car for a bunch of craziness... She tried to work with me and figure out a way for me to see him, but in the end, it just got WAY too complicated and I'm too tired for complicated... So Friday, I will be seeing my love and I'm so happy. :)

Today was long. And hot. Long and hot. (thats what she said) So I am going to take Bekah to Jun Fan, get my mom, then SLEEP until my workout with Kellee. Weeeeee

My diet didn't work. In fact, it's completely non-existent. Whatever. I have enough shit to worry about. My weight can fuck off.

School is kicking my ass. I don't have my laptop yet, but will hopefully have it by next week. That will make things SO much easier. So far, I have been keeping up with all the work and reading, keeping in touch with my instructors if I am in need of some assistance AND finding time to spend some quality time with my boyfriend. Busy busy busy! But I can do this.

Fredo is not doing well. He is stressing out as much as I am and I don't blame him. Not having a job is not fun. I keep telling him to enlist in the military... We shall see what happens.

14 more weeks left of this shit! THEN I will either be taking a Winter intersession elsewhere, since VVC has cancelled theres.. OR I will be working if I find a job. I'm hoping for the latter.

I know my love is stressing, but we can do this. 5 months and going strong.<3

So I got into the class I was wait listed for. I am officially registered for 17 units and I couldn't be happier... Or more stressed out!

I am SO busy all the time, studying, homework, reading, the works and I am enjoying every minute of it. Squuee!! I am learning so much!! I love it! Fredo is more than supportive and understanding and I love him to death for it.

He understands that he has now taken a back step to my school career and is handling it like a pro. :) We see each other as often as we can, which isn't as often as we are used to, but it's not that bad... Considering I have so SOOO many things to accomplish in my 5 classes that it occupies my time for days, then before I know it, it's a day to see Fredo! =D

So far I am doing quite well with the work load... It's alot, but it'll only get harder and I know I can do this. Dropping a class is not an option and I WILL do well in all my classes. I'm not necessarily shooting for all A's. But I am going to kick ass and do the best that I can under the circumstances..

It is very VERY difficult to have 3 online classes and not your own laptop. I have to use my mother's in the living room. Where it's the loudest and everyone is playing their instruments, singing, yelling, talking, cooking, and EVERY little noise made ECHOS throughout my house and it drives me nuts!!! Once (and hopefully) when I get my laptop and can work either in my room, Kellee's room (yes, that's right, i'll be there doing school work.<3haha) or the campus itself, it will be SOOO much more easier to focus and complete my work without going insane. Ahh it will be heaven.

Anyway kiddos! Time to do some Biology review and Pharmacology reading. WOO! Then off to a movie with Nicholas Alberto! =D

I have officially entered panic!

I am a full time student with 3 classes online. One I have already conquered, one I haven't looked at yet and one I can't get into!! WTF?! It says I am enrolled and for whatever reason isn't showing up on my schedule. Dammit.

I e-mailed the teacher, hopefully she can get me in or explain why I can't access the class. Boo. Human Biology was ridiculous. After walking back and forth inside the Science building TWICE I called my mother to see WHY my class room was nowhere to be found... I then ran into a guy looking for the same class. We then ran into this OTHER guy who seemed to know where it was so we followed him... Turned out, HE WAS THE TEACHER! He looks like a mixture of my ex Robby and Spenser from the Hills. I had to hold back chuckles. But he seems cool. Although my teacher was supposed to be Stout and turned out to be Iverson. Annoying. I also do not have all my books which is incredibly frustrating. I hate not feeling prepared and being BEHIND after only 1 week of school! That's just unexceptable.

I am taking 14 units as of now, even though I was enrolled for 17. Phew. I am determined to do the best I can in each class and hopefully graduate in the Summer. Or at least by next Fall. The Winter session was cancelled so that kind of puts a tamper on my plans, but we shall see.

Today Fredo had an interview at Target and I hope it went well. I hope he gets that job. And buys a car. So I don't have to drive all the time. Haha. Speaking of which, I will be seeing him later on this evening. :)

Today's a good day.

San Diego was a blast!!! I had SOOO much fun with my cousins! I've missed Eileen so much, I didn't realize how much i've missed her, she so much fun!

La Jolla was GORGEOUS!! I have NEVER been to that beach in my life and I had such a good time, I loved the beautiful scenery and the cuuuuute little seals!!! They were SOOOO cute! I got a couple of pics of them. :)

The bars, the drinks, the dancing was so fucking fun!!! I can't wait til Fredo's 21. Haha I'm definitely taking him there.

Ventura this weekend!! WOOT! I'm so excited!!

THEN!!! School on Monday! New semester, new friends, new adventures... I am so stoked. I will be half way done with my goal once this semester is over... HECK YES! I can do this! It's almost here! I'm almost gone! I can taste it! VICTORY!

Must have job. (So I can occupy my time and get out of the house)

Must have money. (I need it, I hate being BROKE)

Must move out. (I have to, my family drives me nuts)

Must see boyfriend. (haven't since monday)

Must get laid. (haven't since monday)

THINK POSITIVE! YOU'LL FIND ONE!

Bleh. BBQ with Fredo tomorrow. :) He cut his hair and dyed it blue/black. Seeexxxxyyyy ahhhh. I can't wait to see him. And hold him. And kiss him. And... Yeah, I have too. We're both waaaay too stressed out and need a RELEASE. Yeah. We need too. You guys, I'm seriously. (Cartman, kids!)

k. Food and Rearranging!

I love him so much!!

I had a blast last weekend, it was great to spend so much time with him!

I can't wait for the bbq, not only will I get to spend time with him again, but Fredo's coming. :) it'll be nice to finally get a beach trip in with him.<3

I don't know what to do anymore.

What the fuck am I doing?

Really. I miss working. I miss having money.

Job, school fulltime, and boyfriend.... Think I can handle it?

I hope so.